Even When I Fail God

Even when I fail God, He never stops forgiving and loving me!

I am weak and You are Strong oh Lord, in my weakness you are my strength, You Lord lift me up when I have fallen.

You seek me when I am lost

You oh Lord are my friend when I am lonely, You oh Lord listen to me when I complain or grumble

You oh Lord have answered so many of my prayers, some even before I finish asking

You oh Lord are the potter, I am just the clay, mould me shape me, build me into what You would have me be

Let not my stubborn will or vanity distract me from Your loving presence

Take joy my King in what you hear, let my heart always sing praise to You, morning or night

My Your presence and spirit fill my whole being that my small flickering light will shine as bright as the morning sun

Let No darkness remain within me, take everything not one thing will I withhold

I Surrender all, all my past, all my present, my free will I Surrender

Guide me, teach me, help me to listen, help me to learn

My life without You oh Lord was empty and as dry lifeless as the desert sands

Yet even the desert sands will blossom when You command it so

You oh Lord have given water to my parched soul, You have given my Joy when sadness held fast to my troubled heart

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The Whisperer

He of the far-off old times, he the deceiver, the spinner of half-truths, and lies

The planter of doubts, the weaver of false stories, the instigator of myths and distractions

He waits in the shadows of himself and cunningly whispers in your ear, sowing the seed of doubt or dissatisfaction – frustration or anger

Fanning the flames of lust or envy, stirring up bitter memories from even long ago

Once he has sowed his seeds he returns often to fuel the fire of rage, to water the creeping vine of doubt, whispering other lies to add weight to his deception

Knowing full well that the more he persistently adds, the more likely he is to succeed in you falling away from the real truth

There were two young men full of hope and joy until the whisper spoke to them

He told the young man, “You will never know true happiness, unless you acquire great riches” then later he whispered “In this dog eat dog world, you must grab all you can, and let no man stand in your way, toss them aside anyone who stands in your destiny of being wealthy”

The second young mane the whisperer said “You are a failure, you have no friends and never will have, for you are to plainly dressed”

Later he whispered, “Go buy yourself fine clothes, and jewelry to adorn yourself with”

He also whispered “You deserve the finest, why wait go steal or cheat what is rightfully yours”

The Whisperer had sowed deep into the hearts of young men, and he fed off them both as the poison sped and they were enticed into darker and darker places

Both doing everything the whisperer had said and they grew hard-hearted and they even despised old friends for getting in their way

But it so happened their old friends were believers and offered a prayer for the two young men, and continued to uplift them in prayer

Until after many struggles both young men rededicated their lives to God, but you can be sure the whisperer will pursue them both even more now than before

Inventing new lies to tell or finding new distractions to entice them with

Be cautious of what you listen or let into your heart lest it deceives you. and you unwittingly feed the beast who would devour you

In our weakness

In our weakness, God becomes our strength
Through Joni’s disability and other sufferings, God has been glorified
Although Joni’s disability was an unimaginable disaster for a 17-year-old athletic young girl, yet God has used her to reach others with her story and encouragement, but far more Joni has shared her love of God and His love for her
Not diminishing Joni’s disability, but as she says herself, she would rather be in the wheelchair with God in her life

Than able-bodied living without God, disbelief would be a far greater disability

I personally miss the days when Joni sang and the recordings were transferred onto cassette tapes, I know she gave up singing so she could concentrate on preaching and spreading the word

I admire Joni for her faith and persistence and pray she may continue for many more years encouraging others to believe

The Story Teller

The Story Teller

Gather around for a while and allow me to unfold my story.

A wizened old man sat beneath a huge old tree, this is where he always sat, he was the last of the story tellers.
Nobody knew his name, he was just known as the story teller, and the tribe which was a mixture of young and old, sat eagerly awaiting him to begin speaking.
He looked deeply into the flames of the camp fire, as they flickered in a dance like motion.

“You have come to hear my stories as you have done for many years” he paused, they all nodded in agreement.
Yet, he continued, “There will come a time in the far off place, when there will be no one to tell these stories, but if there were nobody will care to listen not even children!”
The crowd gasped in disbelief that there could ever be such a time, for it had always been the way of things, everyone from the village would gather around the fire and wait for the storyteller.

The old man stared into the flames of the fire, sighed and spoke again, “The day will come in future days when people will other things that will consume their days in such a way that the telling of stories will be just a vague memory”

“Elders will not even remember the names of any of the stories they may have heard in the past and children will not want to listen or learn such things”
The crowd around the old man were silent in amazement, listening to every word he spoke, but finding it all hard to believe.

“In these dark days he continued, there will be no gatherings as there are here today, no meeting places , nor sharing as this place.
Their minds will become to numbed by other things, they lost the ability to imagine and the desire to speak to each other”
“Such is the power of the forces of evil, which will engulf them in such dismal darkness they will have no way to oppose it strength, my heart is heavy just even thinking of these days.”
“Sadder still is no-one will be aware of the way they have become and neither will they care, for they will will be lost without direction or purpose, without joy or hope, without love or compassion, without any belief or one to offer praise too”
The old man stopped speaking and stared back into the fire once again

No one in the crowd spoke, it was if they were holding their breath
The story teller who had been staring into the flames of the fire for some time now, lost in thought, he sighed deeply as if the cares of the world were upon him

Even though the crowd around him had been here since the beginning of the day, they remained silent and still no one questioned the length of time they had been there
His gaze lifted and he looked at them, I have told you this tale of days to come and you have listened well with much patience.

Although you have not asked, I know you will want to know of this place or how I know of these things
The way of my knowing was I had been fasting and my spirit drifted up on the wind of time, and showed me this strange place as it would be in future times, my spirit sank deeply at the sight of these things to come.

This world I saw was not here my friends, this place unlike anything I have ever seen before, yet I felt great sorrow for those who lived there in those days

My friends may never have know of this place and better if you do not, this world I saw is so far away from this land of ours, a place with no story tellers to be found,

I knew not the name of this place, but somehow I know it once possessed great beauty , and a race of people who used to love and care for this place where they lived

Then over time they became to care more for themselves and gaining many possessions and spending much of their time sitting hunched over glaring into strange box like objects, they had no glimmer of emotion in their eyes

I was glad to leave that place behind but still sad at the thought there was such a place, go now my brothers and never let the flame of desire to listen to stories died lest our world becomes like that place
He arose and turn away walking off away from the crowd, who now sighed with relief where they lived was not the place he had spoken of in the story, the crowd dispersed to go back to their homes

Then End

A Closer Walk With Thee

A closer walk with thee, is the title of a well known spiritual song going back many years in pop music industry and a song that has been sung by many singing artists

As Christians we are called to grow more like Christ as we are followers of Christ

Meanwhile the rest of the world is speeds off in all sorts of directions, (away from God) the directions include creating humanised robots, such as the much published Artificial Intelligence Robot Sophia (“godhead” simulation

While scientists have been desperately trying to get ageing process to be recognised as a disease and who is striving for eternal life by working to find a cure or at least slow the ageing process down

At some point soon the will attempt to redesign our DNA, (if they haven’t already started tampering

As with other forms of genetic tampering the likelihood of mutants is surly a strong possibility

The X-Men film characters come to my mind as they were all mutants, although a fictional film perhaps it’s a foretaste of humans future if DNA tampering continues

Saul who later became Paul came to believe that Christ rising from the dead was the greatest of all miracles, which also promised us Life eternal

Meanwhile the supposed Mother church is so reinventing it’s teaching, it may soon become unrecognisable, it has already agreed with the world Adam & Eve story is fictional

While busily encouraging and embracing other religions in an attempt to bring in a one world acceptable belief

The mother church has now accepted evolution as fact, but under Gods direction, all of these things make me wonder if the mother church has become aware of their power of authority slipping away from them, so they are now struggle to regain control by appealing to the masses

So what of present day Christians? Are we to become so tarnished by the world that Christ is not seen through our very being?

Free Thinkers & Atheists

Both of these groups consider themselves to think rationally and judging by the amount of time and effort they put into their attempts to educate us stupid Christians, we evidently annoy them greatly

Atheists spend much of their time commenting on Christian videos, either mocking or leaving insult remarks which in turn annoys Christians who respond in assorted ways

Some expressing their annoyance some with Bible quotes and sometimes other comments less Christians, but it seems to me both groups are wasting time and energy

Free thinkers such as Richard Dawkins insist that this world would be better off without any religion and the Bible along with other holy books are just a books of fairy stories

Richard and others like him think it’s their duty to eradicate all traces of every religion, by re-educating all believers and convert us into their considered understanding

They often refer to Christians as brain washed, and not capable of rational thinking, they say we should be like them and question everything

They state it is because of Christianity in particular is holding  the progress the human race and only when all traces of all religion has been wiped from our minds will humans begin to reach their full potential

Turning to another group who on the surface could be considered religious, those who teach or follow the teaching of The Secret, who have been known to use passages from the Bible

Including words spoken by Jesus, which they manipulate to suit their own teaching while they try to appear to support Christian teachings

Lets not forget all those whose earnest desire is to bring about a one world religion, which to them seem the way to avoid more wars, by integrating other religions into Christianity

It occurred to me while writing this that atheists freethinkers need all religions especially Christianity to keep them active if nothing else

Likewise Christians need atheists to keep them on fire for God, in reaction to the sharp edged remarks about God, Jesus and the Bible

As for myself certainly needed prodding from atheists to stir and rekindle my faith fire, through scathing remarks I came across in Christian YouTube videos

If I had not read those mostly unkind remarks, I might have plodded along into deeper apathy and even fallen away from believing altogether

So I often thank God for turning my situation around by directing me to those comments from several atheists

Mental Breakdown

Before I begin this story, the mental breakdown happened many years ago, but I promise I would write about the experience

I will have to rely on my memory for the order of how it happened including events, other details are a little vague

I was still working and it was shortly after I had meet up with my future wife, somehow the notion of there being many ways / paths that would lead to God buzzed around in my head

I think that idea had been around many years ago but at this time was being revived as it it is in this present age

At that time there were no home computer, and I was yet to discover my passion for writing, as I no longer need to use handwriting it had fallen out of use

So I turned to sketchy drawings to put on paper my thoughts, which turned into a picture storyboard , I vaguely remember some of the images but unsure how long this story was

Sometime later I was in my father’s work-shed and quoted “The three rings of truth” no idea why or what I meant
I also had a vivid dream with Carol and her mum in, but the details have faded now
I also frequently visited a large old church in the middle of the Bull Ring Birmingham, and at least on occasion I ran my hands over carved headstones – but why is now forgotten memory and a mystery

I think after the dream, a ambulance arrived at our house and I was taken to a mental hospital because of the mental breakdown

Although I didn’t see it that way, to me I believed it was God’s will and He had prepared my for this event through my drawing story.

The fact that I was taken to a mental hospital, didn’t bother me as the light-shades were similar colour to the light in my thoughts on one of my drawings
So I knew I was where I was meant to be, and continued thinking that way, until I became self-conscious when a Muslim lady gesture for me to pray with her using cupped hands

Then my thoughts of doing God’s will by being there, were shaken and living there was never the same afterwards
I’m unsure how long I remained there, I just know when I finally came back home to my parents I found it so hard to settle back into normal family life

I felt totally empty and none of pleasures from my past helped, they were just shadows impossible to even grasp hold of
I also felt uncomfortable being around my parents and started going out anywhere just to avoid being at home, at some point thoughts of ending my life invaded my mind

With such force and repetition I became unable to shake the compulsion to kill myself, but all of the methods that I had heard of seemed far to brutal
I will not go into details of the method I eventually used in my attempt to kill myself, enough to say as I stood gasping for breath I suddenly realised I was fighting to live and didn’t want to die then all thoughts of suicide left me and I went inside to get a drink of water no doubt looking pale and drained

After that day I began appreciating normal day things and giving praises for being alive and for being given a second chance to live the life God had planned out for me