Mental Breakdown

Before I begin this story, the mental breakdown happened many years ago, but I promise I would write about the experience

I will have to rely on my memory for the order of how it happened including events, other details are a little vague

I was still working and it was shortly after I had meet up with my future wife, somehow the notion of there being many ways / paths that would lead to God buzzed around in my head

I think that idea had been around many years ago but at this time was being revived as it it is in this present age

At that time there were no home computer, and I was yet to discover my passion for writing, as I no longer need to use handwriting it had fallen out of use

So I turned to sketchy drawings to put on paper my thoughts, which turned into a picture storyboard , I vaguely remember some of the images but unsure how long this story was

Sometime later I was in my father’s work-shed and quoted “The three rings of truth” no idea why or what I meant
I also had a vivid dream with Carol and her mum in, but the details have faded now
I also frequently visited a large old church in the middle of the Bull Ring Birmingham, and at least on occasion I ran my hands over carved headstones – but why is now forgotten memory and a mystery

I think after the dream, a ambulance arrived at our house and I was taken to a mental hospital because of the mental breakdown

Although I didn’t see it that way, to me I believed it was God’s will and He had prepared my for this event through my drawing story.

The fact that I was taken to a mental hospital, didn’t bother me as the light-shades were similar colour to the light in my thoughts on one of my drawings
So I knew I was where I was meant to be, and continued thinking that way, until I became self-conscious when a Muslim lady gesture for me to pray with her using cupped hands

Then my thoughts of doing God’s will by being there, were shaken and living there was never the same afterwards
I’m unsure how long I remained there, I just know when I finally came back home to my parents I found it so hard to settle back into normal family life

I felt totally empty and none of pleasures from my past helped, they were just shadows impossible to even grasp hold of
I also felt uncomfortable being around my parents and started going out anywhere just to avoid being at home, at some point thoughts of ending my life invaded my mind

With such force and repetition I became unable to shake the compulsion to kill myself, but all of the methods that I had heard of seemed far to brutal
I will not go into details of the method I eventually used in my attempt to kill myself, enough to say as I stood gasping for breath I suddenly realised I was fighting to live and didn’t want to die then all thoughts of suicide left me and I went inside to get a drink of water no doubt looking pale and drained

After that day I began appreciating normal day things and giving praises for being alive and for being given a second chance to live the life God had planned out for me

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Where were you in my hour of need?

In your darkest hour of need, I was there to be your light to guide your way

In your deepest depression, I was there to lift you up and give you my endless joy

In your sorrow and grief, I was there to comfort you and hold you as my child that you are

In your loneliness, I was there to be your friend and share my deepest love beyond all understanding

When hatered surrounded you, I offered you my love so rich that even the memory of hate would dissolve away

When you were poor, I offered you my abundances so you would not lack for nothing

When you were lost and strayed far away, I came in search of you to guide you back home to me

In your foolishness, I was patient and with love greater than your earthly farther

In your youthful defiance, when you search for your own way, I was waiting to guide you back to my path

When you were disappointed, I wanted to give you all that you might be satisfied

In every hour of every day, every moment of time I was there for you

In all your life, I have been there for you, to carry you when weary, to love you unconditionally

When you reached out for me, I reached down to you and brought you to myself and held you tightly

But …..

Where were you when they whipped my body?

Where were you there when they crucified me on the tree?

Where were you there when they pierced me in the side?

Where were you when all my followers abandoned me?

Where were you in my hour of need?

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Easter Remembrance and Blessings

Easter Blessing shared through Grannie Annie

Freedomborn

Without Christmas there would have been no Easter without Easter there would have been No Reason for Christmas.

I would like to wish You All Many Blessings for Easter and Heartfelt Joy in knowing that as we Walk in The Spirit of Christ Jesus we can have full assurance that we will fully experience His Love, Joy, Peace, Hope and Rest Eternal and that the Good Seeds we Plant in His Name will bear Eternal Fruit.

Christian Love in our Unity in Christ Jesus – Anne.

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Mental Breakdown

Before I begin this story, the mental breakdown happened many years ago, but I promise I would write about the experience

I will have to rely on my memory for the order of how it happened including events, other details are a little vague

I was still working and it was shortly after I had meet up with my future wife, somehow the notion of there being many ways / paths that would lead to God buzzed around in my head

I think that idea had been around many years ago but at this time was being revived as it it is in this present age

At that time there were no home computer, and I was yet to discover my passion for writing, as I no longer need to use handwriting it had fallen out of use

So I turned to sketchy drawings to put on paper my thoughts, which turned into a picture storyboard , I vaguely remember some of the images but unsure how long this story was

Sometime later I was in my father’s work-shed and quoted “The three rings of truth” no idea why or what I meant

I also had a vivid dream with Carol and her mum in, but the details have faded now

I also frequently visited a large old church in the middle of the Bull Ring Birmingham, and at least on occasion I ran my hands over carved headstones – but why is now a mystery

When this next part happened I’m unsure I think after the dream, a ambulance arrived at our house and I was taken to a mental hospital because of the mental breakdown

Although I didn’t see it that way, to me I believed it was God’s will and He had prepared my for this event through my drawing story.

The fact that I was taken to a mental hospital, didn’t bother me as the light-shades were similar colour to the light in my thoughts on one of my drawings

So I knew I was where I was meant to be, and continued thinking that way, until I became self-conscious when a Muslim lady gesture for me to pray with her using cupped hands

Then my thoughts of doing God’s will by being there, were shaken and living there was never the same afterwards

I’m unsure how long I remained there, I just know when I finally came back home to my parents I found it so hard to settle back into normal family life

I felt totally empty and none of pleasures from my past helped, they were just shadows impossible to even grasp hold of

I also felt uncomfortable being around my parents and started going out anywhere just to avoid being at home, at some point thoughts of ending my life invaded my mind

With such force and repetition I became unable to shake the compulsion to kill myself, but all of the methods that I had heard of seemed far to brutal

I will not go into details of the method I eventually used in my attempt to kill myself, enough to say as I stood gasping for breath I suddenly realised I was fighting to live and didn’t want to die then all thoughts of suicide left me and I went inside to get a drink of water no doubt looking pale and drained

After that day I began appreciating normal day things and giving praises for being alive and for being given a second chance to live the life God had planned out for me

Willing Slaves

Note: I know from my own experience, slavery of any type can if allowed trap us into many blind addictions

In the darker past of man’s history acquiring slaves was considered a normal part of life

Mostly the so called owners often believed it was their God given right and saw nothing wrong in using force to capture unsuspecting people to become slaves

The treatment of slaves was little short of barbaric and it wasn’t until many centuries of this inhuman practice that men of courage stood up in public meeting and spoke out about the evils of slave trading

They worked timelessly to abolish the slave trade and owning slave, as no person wherever they lived, should be brutally captured and forced to work for others

They should also not have to endure often cruel treatment of flogging and being shackled and hunted down if they dared to escape

Although the slave trade was ended many years ago, it seems that there still places in the world that continue this outdated and inhuman practice

As to the slaves themselves none would ever gone willing into slavery, but there are those in the world who willing become slaves even if they don’t realise they are

Here I’m talking about slaves to addictions, be it smoking, drinking strong liqueur or using dugs which may seem harmless enough to begin with, but soon affect their minds and bodies

There are also sex slaves, selling themselves for money as prostitutes, then there others who are still being forced into this degrading form of slavery.

Yet there are others who willing become a slave and indulge in such perverted sex it would make you cringe,  they who seem to indulge just for the sear thrill or sense of power even though both are temporary

All too many people allow ourselves to become enslaved (myself included) by the devil who is expert in wicked lies, fooling us into believing sexual self-indulgence is not sinful

But anything that leads us to do things that become addiction, will damage our bodies therefore are sin

While God disapproves of any sin and is distressed at us for using our free will in such harmful ways, but still loved us enough to sacrifice Jesus who like the Shepard He is, longs for us to come back into the fold of safety and love

2018 Will this year be different?

2018 Will this year be different, or perhaps we ourselves should strive to make it different

But how? Is the question that springs to mind, after all most people who make a New Years resolution, don’t get very far into the year before they either forget about their resolution or simply give it up as too hard

I recently saw a quote about “success” which said of course it would be hard to achieve, for if something was easy to do, everyone would be doing it

Success  in this case was to do with acquiring money, but my post is about everyday people making a difference in this New year.

As Christians we need to be committed to express our desire to share our faith and belief, not in a over pushy way

But rather in a loving and full of care for others who may not have experienced the peace – love and joy of knowing Jesus as Savior

Some of those we seek to reach, may have already fallen into disbelief and turn away from their faith, others may have been taught lies about Christ

While others have chosen not to believe in any god at all, let alone a loving God, who was willing to be sacrificed

While there might be some who consider me a coward if I don’t stand on a street corner preaching from the bible, I would be willing to answer questions about my faith if asked

I know I am far being perfect, only a human who has fallen short too many times, however with God’s help I’m a work in progress

Even if I fail from time to time, I know in my heart that Jesus died for ME!

I shall continue to Praise His name and sing praises every day He gives me breath

 

Once Upon a Star

Once upon a star, not just any ordinary star, this was a one of a kind unique star
A star like no other before it and since, to be the brightest shining star ever created
The light radiated so bright it could be seen for miles, even in far off countries
Helping those who searching in the night sky as a sign of a holy child who would put to shame this brightness of stars
For this star was created for a special purpose, to announce the birth of a child, a long awaited Holy child, born in humble dwellings

The bright star guided three kings who had long searched to night skies, eagerly awaiting a sign in the sky such as this bight guiding star

Leading them onwards to witness fro themselves the birth of the most special child to ever be born

That same night there were humble shepherds who knew nothing of this miraculous event, until they were told by an angel, the shepherds now also followed that most brightest of all stars

This child although ordain to be the king of kings, was to be born in a humble manger with no fine clothing as would befit the expected son of God

Even so all who beheld this child fell to their knees in worship, for even now they could see his glory and bore witness to his holiness

So it was on the very first Christmas day, may we always remember who it was that was born on this day and strive to celebrate his birth upon this day

May you all have a Blessed time rejoicing the birth of our Savior