Anger – Frustration and the Power of Stillness

Anger had been welling up inside of me all day, or that’s the way it seemed at the time.I knelt on the floor intending to complain or even argue with God, I could feel my anger and frustration welling up demanding to be set free

Although if someone was to ask me now why I was so angery, I could not say or remember.

All I recolect is I felt I might explode and could continue no longer, so I knelt on the floor intending to complain or even argue with God, I could feel my anger and frustration welling up demanding to be set free

My body shivered not just with the cold of the night air, but also the powerful force of my anger, as I opened my mouth to speak I hear the words “Be still”

I found unable to speak as a quietness spread over me like a velvet blanket, enveloping me in such an indescribable peace, my hand tenderly held as I journeyed into the very presence of God

My anger and frustration began to float out of me, rising as steaming water, no longer bothering my mind or soul – no longer mine to cling onto

Quietly at first sweet music played from a distance, gradually it came closer or perhaps it was I that moved, whichever it was soon it enveloped me so complete my body – my soul rose up with the increasing crescendos

Entering into such beauty – such wholeness surrounded I lost self-awareness so completely

I became just a tiny speck of this immense oneness, this experience was beyond feelings or anything I could have ever imagined

As there was no sense of time, I could not how long I remained there, but I hope the memory will linger on and remain with me for the rest of my life

Slowly after what seem forever, my spirit descended back into my body which shivered once more, for it had missed my spirit and jolted at its arrival

This empty shell my body which the Holy Spirit of God had given as one of many gifts, for now I appreciated all of those gifts as I had never before

I was now so full of unexplainable joy I could not help myself and burst into praise songs, with such force my body shook once again, and trembled with the awesome power that still linger within me

All that frustration and anger that had so tortured my mind and body were but a faded and distant memory, replaced by this sweet gentle and wonderful peaceful love.

Even though my body and mind now told me to rise, I didn’t want to leave even though I was now aching, reluctantly I whispered Amen.

I arose stiffly from my kneeling and stretched and once more raised my voice in praise, turning away left my room to return to what would never quite be normal life again


Extraordinary – Story Retold

Long ago and far away there were two ordinary everyday people, at least they thought themselves ordinary until the extraoridinary events that unfolded afte they meet
Joseph was a much respected member of the community by hardworking carpenter by trade, while Mary was a young girl who had already devoted her life to serve God
She prayed regularly, and she was always willing to obey
This is their story and how all the events unfolded, Joseph was summoned by Mary’s father to do carpentry work for him as he had heard how skilled a workman Joseph was
So it was Joseph set off towards where Mary lived he took with him just the needed tolls for the job, and Mary’s father had ordered the timber
Mary was attracted to the 21 year old handsome carpenter even before she knew his name, while Joseph was impressed by Mary’s devotion to serve God, and found her to be of a pleasant and good nature
As the job involved several months of work Joseph remained as the honoured guest of Mary’s father
Overtime their admiration for each other grew in strength into love for each other and because of this Mary’s father had decided that they should be married
So he was Joseph and Mary were married and while Mary was praised god for marriage and new life
God spoke to her and revealed his plan for her, Mary was to be the chosen one to give birth to his son the Messiah
While Mary took the unexpected news with her normal modest unquestioning manner,

Joseph was more than a little taken aback by the news
After all he was only a newlywed husband and had certainly not expected Mary to announce that she was soon to be with child
He was confused and bewildered for he knew this was not his child, but he could not find it in his heart to doubt Mary when she had told him, this child was to be the son of God
Still dazed Joseph retired to bed on his own, with doubts and thoughts dancing around in his head
As he lay down unable to sleep, an angel of the lord spoke to him “Do not trouble your mind, your wife Mary speaks the truth, she will give birth to God’s Son and you shall call him Emanuel”
Then Mary joined Joseph who embraced her lovingly and they both fell asleep
The following day they had to travel many miles back to Joseph’s home town, and due to the census the little town was full, and so Joseph and Mary were required to accept an oxen stall
Where the son of God was to be born, before He was born there was to be a heralding shining star to guide three kings from the far East and humble shepherds who would worship the new extraordinary child
So it was on that night of night’s Jesus was born to Mary and Joseph, and although many years have passed since that holly night, we all should give thanks and praise that our saviour was born
For without Jesus Christ there would be no Christmas day
We need to rejoice as the shepherds and kings and all the angels rejoiced

I Want to Know What Love is

This the title of a powerful pop song, and the ongoing chorus throughout the very dramatic video featured on YouTube

The song expresses through the singer the desire to discover a long lasting and meaningful relationship with a woman, to share and express human love

However wonderful human love within a relationship maybe, but human love is only a poor reflection of the love God gave for us

For within his sacrifice of his son, God tells you, “I love you completely and unconditionally” “My love for you has no limits”

Even though there parts of your life, even you dislike yourself and you  try desperately to ignore, there is nothing hidden from my sight even though  I can hardly bare to look upon them

Even so I have chosen to forgive even though you can’t forgive yourself, for I love and accept everything unique about you that make you the way you are

So come to me when you are weary or confused or frustrated, for I will never turn you away.

If you seek answers, come to me and ask, for I will answer you and give you want you need

Come to me when you are weary and drained by even the effort, for I will replenish you

You shall be my most prized possession, though you often lose your way I will guide you back home to me and welcome you with open arms

Then you will begin to experience the vast oceans of my power, and the depth of my love

For I am the way, and know the course which I marked out for you.

Though your heartaches I will embrace you and comfort you, showering you with my affections so that your heartaches will be remembered no more.

For you are so very precious to me, My Love. You are the tenderness affection of my heart.

When you need me most I am here ready to lift and carry you, for I will never leave you

 I AM what love is!

Note: Some of the sentences in this story come with permission from I have altered them slightly to fit in with my story

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”

This is inspired by the lady who writes on

Margaret Wolfe Hungerford who is widely credited with coining the saying “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”

The world’s view of beauty is based on what can be seen on the outside, whereas God sees the beauty on the inside or at least the potential of what we could be if we allow him to shape us into the beautiful person we ought to be

All to often we allow the world and the view of others to dominate our way of thinking of ourselves, “nobody would call me handsome” “I’m too plain looking” nobody will ever love me way I look”

All these and more are the lies we allow ourselves to belive, due to the world’s view

Stop for a moment and remember what the bible says Jesus would  look

“He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to Him, nothing in His appearance that we should desire Him.”Isaiah 53:2b

In this modern age, we are bombarded by images of celebrities, all considered to be beautiful by worldly standards, ladies with wispy figures that they of show off far too much

Men who are acclaimed to be handsome, so is it any wonder that normal everyday people think ourselves less worthy of even being noticed

But do we really need to be noticed and judge by a corrupt world?

The answer is NO

Not when we are loved for who and what we are by our loving farther, who sees you inside beauty and loves us even when we can’t love ourselves

While it is impossible for us to see  our inside beauty, we need to be aware the outside image we can see in a mirror, and others see is but a poor reflection of the true beauty within





Wretched Day

This wretched day I hoped would never come, but assuredly I knew deep in my heart that this day would dawn and that my heart would be heave laden

As I stand watching walking off into the wide world, for him a brand new and exciting future

But for myself I face a bleak and lonely future even before he set off, he was already far away from the teaching of his youth

Ah! I miss those day, when he was a child full of love and willingness to listen to me, retelling stories I knew so well, but those precious days have long gone

Even that thought causes tears to flow down my face, as these last few years he became so rebellious and disrespectful

We seem to argue about everything these days, he no longer wants to hear my stories of the old days, and says they and I am too old fashion and he is bored with his life here with me

So it was this saddest of days he left to live his own life, though I had intended to give him a generous amount of money later in his life, he insisted on taking it all with him now

I gave it all to him without a second thought, even though he just shrugged and grunted a thank you

Though not what I had wished for, but it was better than expected as he had become so callous of late

Still it would have eased my mind and lessened the pain if he had turn and hugged me or said he still love me

But no such utterances past his lips, and now he was barely visible, as he continued to stride away from home, not once looking back

All too soon I could see him now more, but I continued to look half hopping he might change his mind and come back to me

The dankness of that night fell before I turned and walked back home alone, I was sobbing bitter tears and I entered indoors

The days turned into week swift enough for most others yet each day to me seem to last longer than the last, each new day would find me peering out he distance

Each day with hope in my heart of my son’s return, only to end the day returning home alone and dismayed

So I continued my lonesome vigil, even though many thought me an old fool, I would contiune

In a far off land his young son was now reduced to begging on the streets for scraps to eat. for after only a short while he had squandered all the money his father had given him, as to all those fine new friends who had clung fast to him while he had money

 They had all disappeared like the morning dew, they now openly shunned him and despised him making fine sport of is tattered appearance

As hardly anything remained of his once fine clothes, what few he worn were full of holes and as to himself had become unwashed

He had become repulsive to other people who would think nothing of pushing him back into the gutter, if bothering with him at all

His hunger was growning stronger as it had been many days since he had eaten, and he became prone to tormenting thoughts and this day they were stronger than ever

When from nowhere the sweet sound of a child singing, broke through their stronghold, as the words filtered through the son recognised the song from his own childhood days

As the pleasant music lifted his weary spirit, other thoughts of childhood flooded into his mind,

“What a foolish and ungrateful man I have become, hatefully rejecting all that my father taught me, so arrogantly thinking I knew it all and now longer need even the love my father so freely bestowed on me”

“Why did I get so callus and unloving towards my farther?”    “Surly I am a wretched and ungrateful creature, who does not even deserve to be called son, I will go now to my farther and plead that he takes me back into his house as the lowest of servants”

No sooner he had said this, he arose and headed towards that place of happy memories called home

As he walked thoughts of is childhood days flooded his mind, along with deep regret for the harsh way he had treated his father in his blind arrogant foolishness

 Many weary miles later, he knew he was almost in sight of his father’s house but the exertion coupled with hunger overcame the son and he fell to the ground

From the roof top his farther had seen the distant figure fall and knew in his heart it was his long lost son and rushed to his aid

When he reached where his son lay, he scooped him up in his arms like a new born baby and carried his son all the way back home

Rejoicing and praising along the way, “my son who was dead, is alive once more, make ready to celebrate


This is my own version of the prodigal son, a story I remeber from school days, only I decided to write it from the father’s point of view

Almost white haired old man

This almost white haired old man was intensely staring at me, it was making me feel uneasy
I tried to ignore him, maybe I’m just imaging he staring at me, this thought gave me a moments comfort, but then I looked up again
My comfort disappeared, he was still staring at me, but it was more than that he was looking through me, his stare was scrutinising everything about me
It began to feel like he could see into my very soul, and could see everything I had ever done in my life, this thought send shivers down my spine

At that moment I bitterly regretted everything selfish and bad thing I had ever done, even the memories of them made me feel physically ill
I shook from head to toe, partly from the intense feelings of the memories, but then with anger and self-indignation, who the hell was this old man – what right had he to examine me?
How dare he judge me, I’m not a villain, I haven’t really commented any real crimes, heck I’m only human I know I’m not a saint, but who is?

Excuses flooded through my mind, as I tried in desperation to deny my guilty indulges, but why should I be judged guilty what’s wrong with self-indulgence?
I bet I’m not the only person who self-indulgence, why pick on my – who was this old man – how could he possible know or have such power to invade my most private of thoughts
How could he see what I had done in the past, how come he had the power to summon up the long lost feelings and memories?

The questions seemed endlessly flooding in to my tormented mind, why was he tormenting me, then I realised I was tormenting myself because I was allowing my past life to surface and control my feelings
But I couldn’t help myself I was sobbing like a child, for pity sake STOP looking at me old man, I screamed out load, looking at him once more, through my tears I now saw my own face staring back at my, the old man was nothing more than my own reflection

Now I was feeling foolish to have been deceived by my own reflection, but now I knew how it was possible he had known so much, as you can hide lies and guilt from others but you can’t hide them from yourself
Then I also knew you can’t hide the wrong things of the past from God, I knelt down in my room and prayed for forgiveness, still with tears of regret streaming down my eyes
I begged God not only for forgiveness but for help to overcome my selfish nature, for I was now truly repentant as I have been before

I have been away from you my God far too long, wrapped up in pretence of self-pleasure saying to myself I will wait for others to come to you, I will wait until the last has given themselves to you before I return to you
Oh foolish old man, oh foolish sinner, allowing my own lies to cloud my mind and I allowed myself to be separate from your love, your teaching, your words
Take my back to yourself, embrace me in your love once more, take away this bitter repulsive past life of mine, I no longer want any part of it, cleans me of all my iniquities

“Be still” these words whispered in my ears filtering through my troubled mind, a gentle peace came over me, then from deep inside me such joy bubbled up in side filling my whole body, expelling all other feeling
Laughter exploded out of my mouth, as this unending joy rose and expanded, “Praise you my Lod my God you have heard my feeble words of anguish, and pitied me and answered my prayer
Filling me with your peace – love and this wonderful, oh so wonderful joy – thank you – oh thank you my Lord and saviour – I never want to stray from you again, hold me fast in your loving arms AMEN