I Surrender All

https://youtu.be/7x2IpLSfqp8 I Surrender All, a YouTube video I wanted to embed so that it would be included in my post

However WordPress does not seem to allow this anymore, and promptly changes it to a link, but I still intend to write this post

I Surrender All, is one of my favorite Hymns which stuck firmly in my memory and I would often find myself humming it (humming is one of my bad and annoying habits)
But it wasn’t until recently that I came to know the truth of the words of that song

When I finally relinquished my control (poor control) over my addiction of far too many years and gave EVERYTHING, that I began to benefit from the effects that this Hymn and the words sing about

The sense of freedom was wonderful beyond mere words can explain, as anyone who has tried to give up any kind of addiction will tell you just how impossible giving up their addiction can be

They will also tell you the longer you allow it to dominate your life, the harder it is to give up and that is certainly true in my case

What they may not tell you but I will, is how I made up excuses and reasons anything but admit I was addicted

As to the addiction I would prefer not to give into details, just to say it was sexual based, and started way back in my innocent youth

It was instigated by another boy who sat next to me at school, who seemed to know about sexual things, but I allowed it to continue ignoring his advances as best I could

Until one day he stopped in the same unannounced manner he had started, but by then I had become so accustomed to him taking advantage of my quiet nature

I found I could not remove the memory of his actions, and began fantasizing and indulging myself in very the same action he had done to me

My fist excuse “it was not my fault he had perverted me” so with that excuse I could continue where he left off

But as time went on I had to come up with other excuse, as my sexual appetite increased

Here are some of those excuses “I’m only human” “You have to have some pleasures in life, too boring otherwise” It’s not as if I’m hurting anyone”

But these were just lies, that allowed me to continue  and not face up to the fact I was addicted, which lead me into much darker places (practices)

One thing I had noticed the more power of the addiction grew the more it demanded, and the sense of loneliness as how could I explain to anyone until now

For now Jesus has been gratuitous enough to lift the burden of me, so that I am no longer addicted and even if I stray back into that dark place of self-indulgence

These two passages below came to my mind, but had to do a google search to find the actual passages and verse

Ephesians 4:22-24English Standard Version (ESV)

2 Corinthians
22 
to put off your old self,[a] which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires,
23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

– Therefore if any man [be] in Christ, [he is] a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

Putting off my old self is way over due, how about you?

 

 

 

 

God in action bringing us together

Mom My lovely wife Carol

I was the last on at my parents house who was still unmarried, my two brothers and one sister had moved out and married some years ago

I was not good at “chatting up” my dad’s phrase, even went I plucked up the courage to go and talk to a young lady, it turned out she was already dating someone

So I continued as a bachelor living at home, even though I wanted to become happily married to somebody as pleasant and happy as my mum

At some point I had given up meeting up with someone who I would get married too, and then one evening I went to a local Salvation Army citadel

During the service I decide I would go and kneel at the mercy seat and offered my life to God to take control of

Shortly after the meeting a young lady Salvation army member came up to me to congratulate me on standing up and kneeling at the mercy seat

That lady was my future wife to be (Carol – although I didn’t know it yet) I remember thinking to myself, it was too late having a lady chatting me up and also thinking she was too young for me she was 19 at that time

However this young lady was not so easily put off, and asked me to go home with her for a cup of tea and meet her parents and sister

So it was I went back to this young ladies home, and then began what used to be called courting, although I had no thoughts of marriage at that time

Carol had different ideas, as she had practised dressing up as a bribe in white using for many years her mums best net curtains

I just enjoyed the company of this vibrant young lady, and the fact I had not needed to chat her up

Sometime later Carol sent me a note saying she had something she needed to tell me, which turned out to be she suffered with epilepsy

I knew nothing about this condition so brushed the aside as not important, and we continued with plans to marry when she was 21

There was a break in our relationship due to I had a nervous break down, or so I was told later, although I remember it differently but that is another story

I am unsure how long after returning home from hospital, before I went to Carol’s home again only to find she was at the Salvation citadel, so I went up there only to find she had left to go home

As I had come this far I decide to go back the way I had come up and go back to her home, undeterred I headed back the way I had come

Only to see Carol running full speed towards me and promptly leap into my arms, which was trusting of her as I was not expecting to catch her im my arms

However I did, more out instinct then skill, and at that moment I knew I had accepted whatever the future had in store for us as a new couple

A few years later in 1982 we got married in a local church that had a long aisle so Carol could show off the wedding dress she had bought to its fullness

Even though the day was in June the weather change from sunny to wet and cloudy, and as we walked down the isle we heard thunder

Even so the day went well and we had 150 attend including family and friends