Anger – Frustration and the Power of Stillness

Anger had been welling up inside of me all day, or that’s the way it seemed at the time.I knelt on the floor intending to complain or even argue with God, I could feel my anger and frustration welling up demanding to be set free

Although if someone was to ask me now why I was so angery, I could not say or remember.

All I recolect is I felt I might explode and could continue no longer, so I knelt on the floor intending to complain or even argue with God, I could feel my anger and frustration welling up demanding to be set free

My body shivered not just with the cold of the night air, but also the powerful force of my anger, as I opened my mouth to speak I hear the words “Be still”

I found unable to speak as a quietness spread over me like a velvet blanket, enveloping me in such an indescribable peace, my hand tenderly held as I journeyed into the very presence of God

My anger and frustration began to float out of me, rising as steaming water, no longer bothering my mind or soul – no longer mine to cling onto

Quietly at first sweet music played from a distance, gradually it came closer or perhaps it was I that moved, whichever it was soon it enveloped me so complete my body – my soul rose up with the increasing crescendos

Entering into such beauty – such wholeness surrounded I lost self-awareness so completely

I became just a tiny speck of this immense oneness, this experience was beyond feelings or anything I could have ever imagined

As there was no sense of time, I could not how long I remained there, but I hope the memory will linger on and remain with me for the rest of my life

Slowly after what seem forever, my spirit descended back into my body which shivered once more, for it had missed my spirit and jolted at its arrival

This empty shell my body which the Holy Spirit of God had given as one of many gifts, for now I appreciated all of those gifts as I had never before

I was now so full of unexplainable joy I could not help myself and burst into praise songs, with such force my body shook once again, and trembled with the awesome power that still linger within me

All that frustration and anger that had so tortured my mind and body were but a faded and distant memory, replaced by this sweet gentle and wonderful peaceful love.

Even though my body and mind now told me to rise, I didn’t want to leave even though I was now aching, reluctantly I whispered Amen.

I arose stiffly from my kneeling and stretched and once more raised my voice in praise, turning away left my room to return to what would never quite be normal life again


I Surrender All I Surrender All, a YouTube video I wanted to embed so that it would be included in my post
However WordPress does not seem to allow this anymore, basically because I use a Free membership, so WordPress promptly changes the ebeded video back into a link, however I still intend to write this post

I Surrender All, is one of my favorite Hymns which stuck firmly in my memory and I would often find myself humming it (humming is one of my bad and annoying habits)
But it wasn’t until recently that I came to know the truth of the words of that song

When I finally relinquished my control (poor control) over my addiction of far too many years, it wasn’t until and Surrendered EVERYTHING, that I began to benefit from the effects that this Hymn and the words sing about

The sense of freedom was wonderful beyond mere words can explain, as anyone who has tried to give up any kind of addiction will tell you just how impossible giving up their addiction can be

They will also tell you the longer you allow it to dominate your life, the harder it is to give up and that is certainly true in my case

What they may not tell you but I will, is how I made up excuses and reasons anything but admit I was addicted

As to the addiction I would prefer not to give into details, just to say it was sexual based, and started way back in my innocent youth

It was instigated by another boy who sat next to me at school, who seemed to know about sexual things, but I allowed it to continue ignoring his advances as best I could

Until one day he stopped in the same unannounced manner he had started, but by then I had become so accustomed to him taking advantage of my quiet nature

I found I could not remove the memory of his actions, and began fantasizing and indulging myself in very the same action he had done to me

My fist excuse “it was not my fault he had perverted me” so with that excuse I could continue where he left off

But as time went on I had to come up with other excuse, as my sexual appetite increased

Here are some of those excuses “I’m only human” “You have to have some pleasures in life, too boring otherwise” It’s not as if I’m hurting anyone”

But these were just lies, that allowed me to continue  and not face up to the fact I was addicted, which lead me into much darker places (practices)

One thing I had noticed the more power of the addiction grew the more it demanded, and the sense of loneliness as how could I explain to anyone until now

For now Jesus has been gratuitous enough to lift the burden of me, so that I am no longer addicted and even if I stray back into that dark place of self-indulgence

These two passages below came to my mind, but had to do a google search to find the actual passages and verse

Ephesians 4:22-24English Standard Version (ESV)

2 Corinthians
to put off your old self,[a] which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires,
23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

– Therefore if any man [be] in Christ, [he is] a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

Putting off my old self is way over due, how about you?

The weapons of the enemy

I know from personal experience, the more I give into my own weakness (temptation) the more power I freely give to the enemy

The enemy knows us and our weakness and will use ever one of them against us, to distract and deceive us

All too frequently he uses ourselves against ourselves, by manipulating our human emotions are turned against us

For once we give into our self-indulgences, we open the door of opportunity for evil to slither in with 

The enemy uses Lies are his the main weapon, Confusion to cloud the mind so we begin to doubt, he also uses poor imitations of gifts given by God

Such as lust which he disguised as free sex instead of love, the enemy invaded our minds into thinking that free sex was the new alternative to “love”

The big difference is sex, is self-centred and appeals to our vanity, this also gives us the so called freedom to include the same gender relationships.

He uses anger to take away our control of our temper, which spread like a bush fire from one person to another, engulfing anyone it touches

He also uses our bad habits and quickly turns them into addictions, at which point we become slaves rather than the free willed people God created us to be

How to tell bad habits from good ones, good habits take time and constant effort to maintain, whereas bad habits are way too easy to get into

But the devil to give up, and there is a hint in that phrase to who is driving force behind our bad habit

As with temper, any addictive bad habit can and do affect other people more than we might imagine

Not only infecting others in the same way a virus would spread, but also like ripples on water, growing larger as they spread

The enemy uses our prejudice against others who don’t look or talk the same, and through our own vanity allow ourselves to judge them inferior and we become self-righteous

So we can begin so called holy wars, claiming to have Gods approval

Extraordinary – Story Retold

Long ago and far away there were two ordinary everyday people, at least they thought themselves ordinary until the extraoridinary events that unfolded afte they meet
Joseph was a much respected member of the community by hardworking carpenter by trade, while Mary was a young girl who had already devoted her life to serve God
She prayed regularly, and she was always willing to obey
This is their story and how all the events unfolded, Joseph was summoned by Mary’s father to do carpentry work for him as he had heard how skilled a workman Joseph was
So it was Joseph set off towards where Mary lived he took with him just the needed tolls for the job, and Mary’s father had ordered the timber
Mary was attracted to the 21 year old handsome carpenter even before she knew his name, while Joseph was impressed by Mary’s devotion to serve God, and found her to be of a pleasant and good nature
As the job involved several months of work Joseph remained as the honoured guest of Mary’s father
Overtime their admiration for each other grew in strength into love for each other and because of this Mary’s father had decided that they should be married
So he was Joseph and Mary were married and while Mary was praised god for marriage and new life
God spoke to her and revealed his plan for her, Mary was to be the chosen one to give birth to his son the Messiah
While Mary took the unexpected news with her normal modest unquestioning manner,

Joseph was more than a little taken aback by the news
After all he was only a newlywed husband and had certainly not expected Mary to announce that she was soon to be with child
He was confused and bewildered for he knew this was not his child, but he could not find it in his heart to doubt Mary when she had told him, this child was to be the son of God
Still dazed Joseph retired to bed on his own, with doubts and thoughts dancing around in his head
As he lay down unable to sleep, an angel of the lord spoke to him “Do not trouble your mind, your wife Mary speaks the truth, she will give birth to God’s Son and you shall call him Emanuel”
Then Mary joined Joseph who embraced her lovingly and they both fell asleep
The following day they had to travel many miles back to Joseph’s home town, and due to the census the little town was full, and so Joseph and Mary were required to accept an oxen stall
Where the son of God was to be born, before He was born there was to be a heralding shining star to guide three kings from the far East and humble shepherds who would worship the new extraordinary child
So it was on that night of night’s Jesus was born to Mary and Joseph, and although many years have passed since that holly night, we all should give thanks and praise that our saviour was born
For without Jesus Christ there would be no Christmas day
We need to rejoice as the shepherds and kings and all the angels rejoiced

The Day Beyond Tomorrow

Continuation of the Last Christmas story, and the affect effects on everyone

I recommend you read that story first if you have not done so already

This addition is how life is through the eyes of someone knows only the present life, in this new world there are only two classes, servants and masters (those who stored up wealth and information on what happened so they could acquire their new status 

Based on the illuminati taking over world control


I don’t know why I am complied to write this, or who I write this for, and I have little time to write

Furthermore I don’t know where I got the skill from as I am one of the many inferior class

We don’t even own the sparse clothing we wear the master provide and we were not created to have any skills other than faithfully serving our masters, our masters created us servant class to make their lives free from the day to day chores

My identifying tag isIT3005 I am uncertain why I tell you this as I am of little importance or real worth, as I have been frequently told by my master

We are told we were only created by the masters to become slaves for them, but they allowed to become their servants

Perhaps I write and explain things for my own sake, except I have no experience of pleasure, as our masters deemed it unnecessary

We are not allowed to talk except for answering a master question if they chose to lower themselves to talk to us, which is not often most times they just give their orders

We are expected to carry out those orders without question, silently obeying

All of the masters live in huge houses where we are only allowed to enter into when we are summoned to perform some duty and then we swiftly leave and return to our sheds

Where we allowed share the space of the sheds with all the other animals, if the masters decide we are too foul smelling to be allowed indoors we have to bathe within rain water barrels

Regular worship by the masters is held in private, we are not even allowed to know where they go, as we are unworthy creatures, we are only required to help them dress in preparation but have to leave afterwards

We servants have no understanding of what worship is, as it is only for the masters and therefore we don’t need to know

We are not even allowed to see our master leaving the house, we are not allowed to know who or what they worship or where they go to

Every servant has to accept our life as to the masters, without question or complaint as these are punishable crimes

When I am allowed to sleep strange thoughts and images trouble my mind, and sometimes linger on throughout my working day, but as I am always kept busy with little time for trying to make sense of dreams or thoughts

The Last Christmas

A distant chiming church clock reminded me this special day was nearly over, even though I had tried to make the most of this one day, by inviting family and friends and homeless people

I couldn’t help feeling an overwhelming sadness building up inside of me, with such strong force it felt as if I would explode

It had been a day of mixed emotions, joyfulness and sadness at thought of what was to come, for it had been decided by the rulers of every country in the world

That religion along with faith was hindering the progress of humankind and so they put into action a plan to remove the desire and passion of religion from everyone in the world

There had been talk of having one worldwide religion, but nobody could agree on which one and the suggestion of the Illuminati was not acceptable to any religions

So it was in secrecy they launched space probes with mind cleansing power, with full intent to keep the general public uninformed about this until the deemed necessary

Only informing Christian in December that this year was to be the last Christmas we would be able to celebrate, after that we would not even a faint memory would remain

The Last Christmas day is almost over, and tears fill my eyes and that sadness grows ever more in strength, not just because of my own faith that will shortly be no more, but also for all people in the world

Who would be going through the same sad experience, with overwhelmingly and destructive power!

I also am feel an overwhelming sadness for all those creative praise song writers of times gone by, as soon there will be no reason for them and no one who will sing them

Also for those who chose to dedicate their whole lives in service to what they believed was the only god, while many other places in the world have believed the same of their god

This day will end with the destruction of all faith, all belief, all of the passion of the ages, all too soon there will be no memory of why all believers even had that unshakable belief in a creator god

Along with all of individual holy books, from which we for so long had drawn comfort joy and direction from the words contained with the pages, which such power over its reads

Yet I still weep even more over many willing gave up their lives or killed others who opposed what was so fervently believed

There lies the reason it was decided to put an end to all religions, regardless how noble or perfect its believers considered it to be, and now I understand the authorities decision was right, and that saddens me too that we humans are capable of such crimes against our fellow man, and yet even I, at times have felt such anger that I too might have lashed out in such a violent way

That many religions have used their utter belief to justify killing other human beings, yes even Christians have been guilty of religious persecution and killing, no group of humans are free of that guilt

Yet I shed bitter tears at the thought of having no memory of my beloved saviour, who became my closet friend throughout my life, my comforter companion, my guide, as he was too many countless others

Now this day comes to an end, as the church clock chimes the final hour, I sit all alone wondering what this new life will contain, knowing all holy books will then forever be relegated to sit on bookshelves gathering dust

Unread, unloved, unneeded, and all their words lost with nobody to read them or study them

My thoughts now turn to contemplative if mankind will live to regret the coming dawn, will those who have already turned against religion have their celebrating cut short by the power of this mind cleansing

To find themselves also effected emptied of any passion or purpose, if not by that device then by the fact they will no longer have others to criticize or convert to their way of thinking

As the last chime strikes, I prayed for the last time, God have mercy on us all in the days to come, even though we leave you and travel into this unknown future without your love and protection

Will I even remember this ending and these words I have wrote, and will I be able to tell reader of a distant future that it was all worth the heartaches, or will no one even care about what all too soon be ancient history

Farewell brothers and sisters with all my heart I hope that all mankind will be reunited the one family of humankind and that we may share a passion for each other, and that we all may live in peace and harmony

Humans the strangest of all my creations

Note: Put aside for a little while all differences of opinions beliefs or disbeliefs, and read this as if was a personal letter from a creator whoever or whatever you perceive to be

Note I am not claiming to be the creator’s messenger, but rather a creative writer, who longs for us all to become “one” again as we were in the beginning whatever you perceive that to be


Out of creation with its vast complexity, beauty and individuality, humans have proved to be strangest of all my creations

Even though I created them a little lower than the angels in their abilities, proving to be both a blessing and frustration

For they have taken what I gave of myself, creativeness – intelligence – compassion the ability to love and most of all free will

While a few have done great things and have sacrificed much in the surface of all humanity, others have taken everything I have given them and have twisted it beyond all recognition

Turning love into hate, creativeness into destruction and turning intelligence into of self-righteousness completely turning away from me and denying my existence

Even those who profess to know the truth of my words, are guilty of alteration of the truth that I gave to all humanity so that they would have one true set of instructions to guide them

They took my instructions and interpreted them each into their own language, all changing the words as their language developed, steadfastly clinking onto the and version of my words building it into a religion that I never meant them to have

Still other humans allowed their intelligence to dominate their thinking and put aside all traces of belief to replace belief with scientific investigation, only accepting the things they could prove with the facts or at least what they thought to be facts

Coming up with theories and then setting out to prove they were right from, even to the extent of altering or tampering with evidence in order to keep the theory intact

Refusing to allow any possibility that they ignoring belief, they deny any possibility of the full truth

Still other humans who claimed to seek after my truth, allowed many things to cloud their judgment many things to distract them and their own personalities to dictate the words which they later would claim to be mine

While there is some truth in the words that they have written, there are far from dead complete truth, for if they knew the falls knowledge of the truth it would destroy the are still feeble minds

My heart aches, I yearn for them all to come back to me as the children they were once with loving hearts and open minds and the willingness to listen to my words once more

For they can never know my utter sorrow that they cause by the rebellion against me, or comprehend the depth of the wounds I suffer when they deny me

For I am still your loving father, who longs to teach you, and who still loves you and wants to protect you from the harm that you often inflict upon yourselves I plead with you to seek me out with a heart and mind of the child so that you may know my truth, not for my sake I plead with you but rather for your own, so that you may know peace and fullness in your own life

It is time all people put aside their differences and unite as the on species “Humans”

Your loving creator